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Our purpose as a parent is not just to care if we live through the teenage years, but that our teenagers live being blessed the rest of their years.

Their will come a day when our teenager will exert their independence beyond what we feel they are ready for.

 This is normal and part of them becoming a young adult in our society.  What we as parent's feel is just another normal conversation is in fact a very passionate issue of trust and lack of support with our teenagers. Sometimes we as parent's are not prepared in any way shape or form to deal with this and that is when communication breaks down at home, and bitter words are exchanged during a heated argument.

This is not the time for us as a parent to exert our unyielding authority and explain where they stand in the food chain. This will only escalate the problem worse.

Teenagers wish that we as parent's kept our cool and "quit tripping"

.And just like things are different today than back when we were growing up, so are the ways in the way that we handle when our communication breaks down with our teenager. From the ways of raising them with a iron fist. I'm not talking about letting our kids hang around with friends who do drugs, criminal behavior, drinking and driving or other activity that we know we should have a zero tolerance that could endanger their life. I'm talking about that day when our child who is now a teenager believes that they should have more freedom as a young adult that requires trust on your part as a parent.

I knew I was going to win this argument if I wanted to exert my unyielding authority, I knew I would win the battle but I was going to lose the war. The war of my teenager's respect and family harmony. I knew my teenager has already shown me that they could be trusted, I just felt unprepared that it was time for me to put my thoughts of thinking that they were still my little child that I had brought home from the hospital the day they were born. Trust me when a loving father says this, I was losing the war by refusing to be flexible. I knew because my heart was breaking by trying to do it my way and not God's way.

It was not until I kept it real with God's truth that I started to realized that my teenager was never mine to always hold on to forever. My teenager belongs to God. I had to understand that there is nothing that we really own when we go to heaven, including our children. We are only steward's of trust for God in everything that He has given us. God's spirit told me that I did my part on teaching her right from wrong and that she will not part from it, and now it was time for me to trust in Him that she is also God's child to mold her and shape her throughout her destiny.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

It started for me by learning to take a step back and lighten up, and trying to be open minded in understanding my teenager from their point of view.

We cannot influence anyone to our way of thinking by using harsh and bitter words.

We can influence our teenager by using the wisdom of God's Word, He did not just say to use gentle words, He said to provide a gentle answer to turn wrath away. God knows that a gentle and kind answer comes from using our hearts.

 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1 

"May all loving fathers learn as I did, before it's too late, that the "old school ways" is not always the best way"  Reverend Michael Cartwright

Father's show respect to your children by keeping it real, teach them that a real man speaks from his heart just as our Lord and Savior Jesus did. Tell them that the most important thing to you is your relationship with them. Be honest with them and tell them the obvious, that you don't always have all the right answers. But the one thing that you will always have for them is your unconditional love and forgiveness for them.

Tell them it hurts you to see the pain that the both of you are suffering right now. Tell them that maybe we as parent's "do trip" as they call it and it's because of the love you have for them that you only want what's best for them. That sometimes as a parent we have to understand that our children are growing up. That we have to give them the trust and support that they deserve. That they have to be given a chance to show you that they can stand up against the peer pressures of their friends. That you do believe in them to make the right choices, that they know with more freedom comes more responsibility.

Show them that you believe in them...

We all have the choice and the power as a parent to be a blessing to our children by building them up by complimenting them instead of tearing them down by criticizing them and making them bitter. See the positive difference in how your children treat you and respect others as well.

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